Fiona Campbell Arrand
As winter approaches, you may find yourself thinking about the upcoming Christmas party season. Invitations start arriving, colleagues are discussing the office party and photographs of festive celebrations appear on social media. While other people seem excited, you may find yourself wondering how you can avoid the whole thing.
These concerns probably begin long before the event. What will I wear? Who will be there? Will I have anyone to talk to? What if I say the wrong thing or find myself standing alone?
You may also compare yourself with people in photographs shared on social media who appear attractive, successful and completely at ease. Before you have even accepted an invitation, you have already imagined several uncomfortable versions of the evening.
When you repeatedly imagine something going wrong, your body responds as though it is already happening. Your breathing changes, your muscles tighten and you experience the urge to escape the situation by saying no to the invitation. This response is based on what you are imagining, not on what has actually happened.
Being self-conscious often means that your attention has turned inwards. You are monitoring how you look, what you are saying and how other people might be judging you. The more attention you give to yourself, the less attention you have available to talk to and connect with the people around you.
You have the ability to change this before an event. Start to notice what you are saying to yourself and ask whether it is a fact or simply something you fear might happen. Instead of imagining the entire evening, think only about the first few minutes: arriving, saying hello to someone you know and giving yourself time to settle.
Choose clothes that feel comfortable and allow you to be yourself. Think about two or three simple questions you can ask if you are unsure what to say. Showing genuine interest in another person can move your attention away from worrying about how you are being perceived.
It may also help to decide what would make the evening worthwhile. You do not have to speak to everyone, entertain the room or stay until the end. Having one enjoyable conversation or staying for an hour may be enough.
Mentally rehearsing yourself having a good time at a party or event can help the situation feel more familiar and manageable. Imagine accepting an invitation, walking into the room despite feeling nervous, starting one conversation or staying slightly longer than you expected.
What you do not know is who else may be feeling unsure, even though they appear relaxed and confident. They may have experienced similar worries while getting ready. The difference may simply be that they decided to attend and gave themselves time to feel more comfortable.
When the next invitation arrives, stop before automatically saying no and consider this: you do not have to become the life and soul of the party. Start with one manageable step and give yourself the opportunity to take part. With time, you may even start to enjoy yourself.
Fiona Campbell Arrand, Author Working with Trust,
Clinical Hypnotherapist, NLP Trainer and Coach
www.fionacampbellhypnotherapy.com
fiona@fionacampbellcoaching.com
