ON THE ROAD
Gill Sherry
“Flat white with an extra shot, please. Do you want anything, Gill?”
It’s a reasonable question. Polite, obviously. And not in the least bit funny until you realise that Tam Cowan is in his car ordering a coffee at a drive-thru, and I’m miles away on the other end of the phone.
It certainly breaks the ice and sets the scene for what is to be an entertaining half-hour chatting to one of Scotland’s best loved TV and radio presenters.
Tam is taking to the road in September for his first ever national tour of Scotland. His On The Road show will see him perform in 13 venues across the country kicking off in Troon on the first of the month and concluding in Glasgow on the 19th.
So, what can his audiences expect?
“A raucous evening of stories, jokes, anecdotes and a lot of reflection on my 35-year career, primarily my 32-year career doing Off the Ball on BBC Radio Scotland. Audiences love it if you can take them behind the scenes a wee bit or tell them stories that got you into a wee bit of bother.”
Our conversation has only just started but I get the impression there may be plenty of those!
“My only skill in life is… I’ve got a really good memory for recollecting things that have happened to me. I’ve been on stage for over three hours at a time sometimes!”
I rest my case…
“A reporter from one of the Glasgow papers once contacted me and said, ‘What’s the show about?’ and my very honest answer was, ‘It’s about an hour!’ because I don’t think I’ve ever done the same show two nights running.”
Tam is a natural entertainer, be it on stage, on the phone, or on live TV or radio, and I’m curious to know where it all began. Born in Motherwell, like many youngsters he had no idea what he wanted to do when he left school, although he did enjoy writing.
“I’d been accepted to do a journalism course at Edinburgh Napier University, but I decided to hang on. Unlike today’s kids, I felt really immature and didn’t want to go to college, so I studied English and History in sixth year at high school.”
It was during sixth year that his English teacher, Tom King, set up a writers’ workshop to attract local adults to the school. Tam was asked to go along and encourage the adults but was also told to join in and produce some writing of his own.
“I started writing wee jokes, sketches and topical gags. Unbeknown to me, my teacher sent some of them to Radio 2 and Radio 4, and lo and behold they used some of the material.”
Tam went to Napier a year later but only lasted three months of what should have been a two-year course.
“I enjoyed the writing more than the studying. I kept battering away, writing for a host of radio, tele, sketch and comedy shows and was taken under the wing by Phil Duffer who created Only an Excuse. He was a producer/editor/writer at BBC Scotland… so I was then writing regularly for things like Naked Radio, Naked Video, and Only an Excuse, but I still didn’t have a pot to p**s in!”
He may have been spending his money faster than he could earn it, but it was through those shows he was able to secure a column with what was then the Glasgow Evening Times.
“That was fantastic. It was a tongue-in-cheek look at the weekend’s Scottish football which went into the paper on the Monday. It really took off because there were a lot of football clubs doing Fanzines which were huge back then… so I tapped into that market with the same style of humour.”
One column soon became two, which then became three, and before long Tam was approached by the producer of Off the Ball.
“And here we are 32 years later doing the same show – and most of the same jokes!”
His impressive CV also includes a 16-year stint at The Daily Record and ten years presenting the BBC TV show, Offside. He is the host of the monthly Aff The Baw comedy show at Blackfriars in Glasgow, and a regular performer to sold-out audiences at the Edinburgh Fringe.
But back to his upcoming tour…
“I’m excited because I love Scotland, and I love driving. And because I’ve done the radio show for so long, it’s a great way of touching base with a lot of the listeners. Whenever I travel about, I always have the pleasure of meeting them and it’s quite exciting. Folk introduce themselves to me and I feel as if I know them because I know their names from reading out their text messages. It’s lovely. I’m honoured and touched that they come out to the live show to see me.”
For football-mad Tam (he’s a lifelong Motherwell FC fan), his tour is also timely. By then, of course, the World Cup will have already taken place.
“It would be a great help if Scotland did win it… but that would involve me having to be brought back out of my alcohol-induced coma!”
I’m sure he wouldn’t be the only one!
“I’m not going to the World Cup,” he tells me. “It just seems such a blooming mess, the amount of red tape and expense.”
Instead, he’s hosting three shows at Blackfriars on the nights of Scotland’s three group matches.
“I always love a challenge and standing up in front of an audience at 1.30 in the morning an hour before kick-off against Haiti will be something different!”
And what are his World Cup predictions?
“I’ve got a real feeling this year that Scotland will go through to the next round. That would be enough for me, I’m not greedy. Going into any World Cup, you always look to the flair teams… like Brazil or Argentina. But then you always love the idea of a dark house, a wee unknown minnow. And who knows, that could be Scotland!”
Whatever the outcome, I’m sure he’ll have plenty of material for his tour. Which prompts me to ask, what does he enjoy the most? Writing, TV or radio?
“TV for the money. I’ll be straight to the point… the best money was always and will aways be tele. And being able to punch well above your weight when you went to a disco because your face was on the tele, that was tremendous as well!”
I’m still laughing when he moves on to writing…
“I love the solitude. I’ve been writing newspaper columns for 35 years and I’ve always written from home. I only meet up with my boss when we’re out for the odd lunch or a pint. I couldn’t work in an office. At home I put Classic FM on, because when I’m writing words I can’t listen to words. I’m very disciplined… I don’t watch Loose Women or anything like that.”
And radio?
“I love the absolute immediacy of the radio because it’s always live. Something can happen or a story can break. It’s magical because you’re able to think on your feet. In fact, it was me – who would’ve thought it compared to the news giants out there? – that announced the Sean Connery and Alex Salmond deaths to the nation, because they both happened to pass away when we were on air.”
The other great thing about radio, he tells me, is that you can pretty much wear anything…
“If you’re running late and you turn up in your pyjamas and slippers, you can still do radio. When I used to do the tele show, they tried their best with me but talk about making a sow’s purse out of a pig’s ear! All that makeup rigmarole could be so time consuming. Radio… I love it so much, but I’m blessed that all the stuff I’ve done I’ve really enjoyed. I’ve been lucky. I’ve worked with and met some amazing people.”
No doubt he’ll tell a few tales about those amazing people on his tour. Does he have a final word for those thinking of buying a ticket?
“I want to give folk a proper full-on show as well as value for money. I always do a song… I’ve made up quite a few songs through the years. So there’s always a bit of singing, plenty of stories, plenty of jokes. And because of the timing, the Word Cup will be over. Scotland could’ve won the World Cup for all I know!”
Tam is appearing at Troon Town Hall on 1st September and Glasgow Pavilion Theatre on 19th September. Tickets for both shows are available from:
www.comedy.co.uk/live/shows
