Wendy Harris
Summer has a way of slowing things down, doesn’t it? Longer evenings, unhurried conversations, the kind of exchange you’d never quite have in the middle of January when everyone’s rushing somewhere.
I love this time of year for that reason alone. The pace softens. People relax. And in that relaxed space, something interesting happens: the conversations get better.
Not because people suddenly become more interesting (though they do seem to). But because they start asking different questions.
Not “What do you do?” the classic opener that sends most people straight to their mental rehearsed answer. But the kind of question that catches you slightly off guard. “What’s been the best part of your summer so far?” Or “What are you most looking forward to in the next few months?”
One question. A completely different conversation.
I’ve been fascinated by questions for most of my career. Not because I’m naturally nosy (well, perhaps a little), but because I’ve watched them do the heavy lifting in situations where no amount of clever talking would have helped.
A question invites. A statement pushes. And there’s a world of difference between the two.
Think about the last time someone asked you something genuinely curious. Not to lead you somewhere, not to make a point, just because they actually wanted to know. Chances are, you remember it. Chances are, you opened up more than you expected to.
That’s not an accident. A well-placed question signals something important: I’m interested in you. Not in my answer. In yours.
In my work, I often say the most powerful thing you can do in a conversation isn’t to explain yourself better. It’s to ask a question that helps the other person explain themselves. What are they hoping for? What’s actually getting in their way? What would a good outcome look like for them?
Those questions don’t just inform. They transform. Suddenly the conversation stops being two people talking at each other and becomes something more like thinking out loud together.
And the curious thing? The person asking the question often learns the most.
This summer, if the slower pace gives you more space for conversation, be that in the garden, at a gathering, over a long lunch – try something small. Instead of filling the silence with your own update, ask one question you genuinely don’t know the answer to. Then just… listen.
You might be surprised where it takes you.
Because the question that changes everything isn’t always a clever one.
Sometimes it’s simply the one you cared enough to ask.
Wendy Harris is a communications specialist and host of Konpasu Community, helping businesses grow through authentic conversations. Find her at konpasu.co.uk
