How Not to Ruin Your Wedding Reception

12 Insider Tips from a Wedding Entertainment Expert

If you’re busy planning your wedding, you’ll want to ensure you provide your friends and family with top class entertainment. After all, at least a third of your big day will be in the hands of the band you choose to provide the soundtrack to your celebrations.

My name is Del Cotton and for more than 26 years, my company, Hireaband, based in West Kilbride, Ayrshire, has found the perfect band for nearly 30,000 Scottish couples.

I spend a lot of time talking to the most popular bands in the country. Musicians love a gossip and one of their favourite things to talk about is their experience performing at weddings.

So why does it matter what your wedding band thinks of you as a couple? Surely they should just do what they’re told? They’re getting paid, after all.

It’s worth remembering that experienced wedding bands will have performed at hundreds, if not thousands of weddings over the years and, as a former wedding musician with 25 years of wedding band experience myself, I guarantee you we’ve seen it all, from couples who ruin their own weddings to those (thankfully the majority) who have an absolute blast and quite simply the best night out of their lives.

In fact, most of these opinions would be echoed by any other wedding reception supplier, but I’m going to talk from my own actual experience as a wedding musician and for the last 26 years, as a wedding band agent.

Don’t…

• Micromanage your big day. Musicians call these control freak couples ‘Clipboards’ – everything is timed with military precision and when things (inevitably) overrun or don’t go to plan, couples can get so irritated and panicked that they forget what the day is all about. Don’t be that couple.
  
  
• Don’t give your band a fixed list of the songs you want them to play or worse, tell them when to play them. A good band will read the room and play music appropriate for everyone. By all means let them know what your favourite songs are, after all you’ve probably seen the band’s set list so you’ll know they do a lot of your favourites, but leave the details to them. It’s one of the things you pay them for. If you’re asking the band to learn more than three new tunes, you’ve picked the wrong band.
  
  
• If you’ve practiced a routine for your first dance, don’t ask the band to play it live. Instead, ask them to play the actual track you’ve practiced to. The slightest change in the arrangement, or even the tempo from how you’ve learned it, will throw you – and musicians are human, not machines. It won’t be exactly the same and it won’t be their fault.
  
  
• After the first dance, don’t disappear to the bar for the rest of the night. You must lead by example; if you dance so will your guests. This is particularly important for the first part of the evening when people are sober and shy. Get your bridesmaids, best man and ushers to circulate and ask people up to dance – it’s the perfect way to create a great atmosphere and set the tone for the entire evening.
  
  
• Don’t ask the band to play right to the death. If your coaches are arriving at 1am – ask the band to finish half an hour before so that your guests can get themselves organised and say their goodbyes. There’s nothing worse than being rushed out the door without a chance to wind down and mingle for the last half hour or so. This is also usually where your favourite uncle will start singing ‘Sweet Caroline’ and it’s only fair that everyone gets the chance to join in (it entertains the bands too).
  
  
• Don’t tolerate drunk friends and family getting on the stage uninvited; they’re a risk to themselves, the musicians and to your entire event. It’s just embarrassing and unnecessary. Ask your best man to keep an eye out for things like this and if it’s likely to be him crashing the stage, choose another best man!
  
  
• Don’t hassle the band if your reception is running late by asking them to set up in half the normal time. In their haste there will inevitably be something missed leading to a technical issue that can be hard to track down (and will take a while to trace resulting in less live music). If a band needs 60 minutes to set up, that will still be the case even if they don’t get access to the room until after they were supposed to. Good bands will be aware of the time and push themselves to get ready faster but let them get on with it. Interrupting them will only slow things down.
  
  Do…
  
  
• By all means be aware of the time, but please relax and enjoy your day. No other day of your life will go by so quickly, so don’t fret over things you can’t control, like the weather, your cousin’s screaming kids, or that big spot on your nose.
  
  
• Treat your entertainers with respect and politeness. You’d be amazed at some of the stories (and my own experience backs this up) of being treated like the hired help. This can make the difference between a band just playing ‘at’ you and playing ‘for’ you – doing everything they can to make sure you and your guests have a ball.
  
  
• Let the band know if it’s okay to have some food during the buffet. It’s nice to be invited but it’s a dying courtesy. Good bands won’t go daft, but if you cater for the band numbers when planning your buffet, the musicians will appreciate it and will return the favour by working even harder to make your night a success. While on the subject, it used to be tradition that the best nan would offer to buy the band a drink. It’s rare now and in fact a lot of musicians don’t drink alcohol at gigs, but a glass of coke or a cold beer is always welcome as its hot work. If you want the band to think you’re lovely, do this one thing. It’ll be worth it.
  
  
• Agree in advance how long a break your band will take. It shouldn’t exceed 30 minutes and if it does, you’re within your rights to ask them to get back on the stage. Good bands won’t need to be asked.
  
  
• Thank them at the end of the night. They’ve still got to strip down all their equipment and load it into cars and vans. Then they’ve got to drive all the way home and probably get up for work the next day – so if you want them to have fond memories of playing at your wedding, this goes a long way. The karma from doing this will repay you in your married life.
  

I hope you find these tips useful and that you go on to have the wedding day you deserve. I can sum up everything you’ve just read like this – plan carefully, use the best suppliers, then relax and leave it to them. You can thank me when you get back from your honeymoon!