finding calm in the christmas chaos
Catherine Lawson
It’s no secret that Christmas, love it as we do, is one of the most stressful times of the year. Bound up in the things which mark the season are pressures we don’t normally face all at once at any other time. We all have expectations when it comes to the festive season, and the pressure to make it perfect can be overwhelming.
So, what’s at the root of the stress?
Financial pressures: Christmas is a time of excess in every way. Between the gift buying, the glittering decorations, the decadent foods, the extra bottles of booze, party nights out and sparkly festive wear, budgets are stretched to breaking point. As we get carried away in the magic of it all we excuse our spending because it comes but once a year. The undercurrent of worry, however, starts months before the day itself and stays long after the tree comes down.
Relationships: It’s not unusual for family dynamics to unravel amidst the peace and joy. All the heady expectations, seasonal pressures, past grievances and glasses of fizz make for the perfect storm. Sometimes the pressure of being perfect (and on our best behaviour) is a pressure too far.
Time challenges: Places to go, people to see, pre-order the turkey and pick up the tree… Between our normal day to day routines we find ourselves stretched to the limit as we juggle multiple house and work diaries and untangle timetable mix-ups. Add in the extra social events, nativity shows, shopping trips and festive obligations and the tank is soon running on empty.
Loneliness or loss: For many, the festive season highlights what’s missing. Whether grieving for a loved one, or living alone without family and friends nearby, Christmas is a time which can leave us feeling more isolated than ever. Without the warmth of social connection or shared celebration, the festive season can feel particularly long and lonely.
With any or all of these pressures, managing expectations and setting boundaries can help tip the balance from chaos to calm. Here are some things you can do:
- Set a budget and stick to it. Decide your spending limits before the season starts and agree them with your nearest and dearest. A Secret Santa approach might be a relief for everyone.
- Redefine what perfect looks like. Let go of the expectation that everything (the decorations, the gifts, the dinner, the TV schedule) has to be perfect. A relaxed, peaceful day with the people who matter most beats all the insta-ready, matching PJs in the world.
- Protect your time and energy. Prioritise events, outings, and visits as a family and schedule in days/times which are ringfenced for relaxation. Once you’ve diarised the downtime stick to it as ruthlessly as you would any other obligations – that way you keep some gas in the tank for the big day.
- Prioritise wellbeing. When the excesses start too early it can be a slow, sluggish slide through Christmas and into the new year. Enjoy the food, alcohol, late nights, binge watching etc, but apply some ‘moderation boundaries’ to keep energy levels up and bugs at bay.
- Choose calm over control. Family time doesn’t have to mean constant togetherness. It’s okay for people to want some time out, or to go for a walk, or to skip the King’s speech or to lock themselves in the toilet with a cuppa and a selection box. Letting others do their thing, and relinquishing the need to control it all, is liberating.
- Be kind to yourself. If Christmas is difficult, nurture yourself as you would a friend. Enjoy small pleasures – a favourite meal, a walk in the festive lights, or a cosy coffee at your local café. Connect in ways that feel comfortable, whether that’s inviting a neighbour for tea, joining a community event, or giving some time to others through volunteering.
However you spend Christmas this year, may it be filled with peace and goodwill.
