THE DEFINITION OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Johnny Ireland

Search for the definition of true friendship and you’ll find many different results. This is just one of them:

Someone you can trust with your life, who has seen the best and worst of you, and will be there whenever you need someone to talk to.

At the ripe old age of 60 I have met many people in my life and as I enter my 61st year I reflect often. I think it’s an age thing. I never used to reflect much when I was younger, probably because there was less to reflect upon. Now, though, it’s a common occurrence.

I reflect daily on my father: his humour, his guidance, his ability to ensure I always felt special and to make sure I had the best opportunities in life. He taught me to treat people as I would expect to be treated myself. He taught me humility.

I could speak to my father about anything. He liked to talk. It runs in the family and I thank him for that trait.

My father was born in New York but was brought up in rural mid-Ireland. He had hundreds of friends (true friends) driven by the Irish/American community. His funeral was attended by nearly 600 people – incredible. Everyone at his funeral (and the fabulous remembrance celebration that followed) sought to find some of my time on the day to tell me how special my father was, or to share a story. They all said the same thing: they’d lost a true friend.

I was fortunate to spend what I consider a beautiful week with my father before he passed away. We laughed, we joked, we reminisced. He was my father, but he was also my friend.

I have a very small group of ‘true’ friends. My wife refers to them as my ‘inner circle’. It makes me sound like royalty, but that’s how it is for me. My wife is one of the inner circle and always will be. Each one meets the requirements of ‘true friendship’. We talk regularly – proper talking. A text message is okay but it will never beat the sound of your friend’s voice. It will never reflect the humour, or the sarcasm (of which I have a degree!) that comes from actually talking to someone.

My longest serving ‘true’ best friend is just entering his 53rd year of knowing me. We grew up together, went to school together, delivered newspapers together. We both left school at the age of 16 with nothing more than a Latin O-Level (seriously), yet we knew our destiny in life. We worked hard (still do), and treated people as we would expect to be treated ourselves (still do). He was my best man at my wedding, and I was his. We now live a long way apart but whenever I need someone to talk to, he will be there. Distance is irrelevant when it comes to true friendship. We will always be there for each other.

I have other ‘best friends’ who may not be as long serving but are still special and will always be so. Each offers something different, but the one thing they all have in common is humour. They all make me laugh. It makes me smile just thinking about them. I consider myself very lucky.

Always surround yourself with special people who have the ability to make you feel good. People who, when they enter a room, you just want to get up and hug them tightly. Special people.

Which leads me nicely to my ‘true’ best friend. My forever best friend. The woman I have loved since the very first moment I saw her. She made me smile and laugh all those years ago and still does so today. She always will. She has celebrated the best of me and tolerated the worst, and she’s there whenever I need to talk.

Some say that your wife/husband/partner can’t possibly be your best friend, and yet you hear it so often nowadays:

“He’s my rock.”

“She’s my best friend.”

That’s certainly the case with Mrs Ireland.

Of all of those definitions of true friendship, one thing you won’t find is mention of social media. I’m not a fan, never have been, and the notion that the number of ‘friends’ you have reflects how popular you are, seems unfathomable. Some may be people you haven’t even met or, perhaps, haven’t seen or spoken to for decades. During my many moments of reflection, I feel fortunate to have grown up in an era without social media. Contrary to what many people believe, life in those days was so much simpler.

If you want to look for an example of true friendship, look no further than the recent passing of Rob Burrow. Rob was a fantastic professional rugby league player cruelly taken from this world way too early at the age of 41, following a battle with Motor Neurone Disease. It’s the same disease that took my own father.

Rob has left a fabulous legacy. Together with his friend and fellow rugby player, Kevin Sinfield, they raised over £13 million pounds to build a research centre in Leeds aimed at identifying and providing a cure for an illness with no current cure.

In 2023, Rob’s best friend pushed him 26 miles around the streets of Leeds and surrounding villages. With 100 yards to go ‘Kev’ as he is known to his adoring fans, stopped Rob’s wheelchair, picked his friend up and carried him across the finishing line. I have witnessed many moving moments in my life, but that one is up there with the best. That is true friendship.

The Rob Burrow marathon will live on forever. I was grateful to take part in it earlier this year. It was a long day. It was hot – too hot for a marathon – and very hard work. I reflected a lot during the race. I reflected on my father, my true love and my true friends – those I can trust with my life. Those who have seen the best and the worst of me. Those who will be there whenever I need someone to talk to.

And you know what? I know every single one of them would carry me over the finish line…